


i wish to file a complaint

by weddingbells



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Bets, M/M, Sex, beer pong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 00:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7954186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“No Liam, you’re wrong there mate,” Niall says, and wow, Louis could kiss him and name his first born after him because wow, what a mate, what a buddy, what a brother, what a… “I am pretty sure the term is gazing, innit? Or drooling. Maybe a combination of both, I’m not sure there.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wish to file a complaint

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in months, even my first writing at all in months tbh.  
> this is just tshaw smut, not really a plot, just a bit of ubeta-ed tshaw for all your needs.

Louis can tell from the moment they walk in to the bar that this is a nasty way of messing with him.

“Spectacular place, huh?” he asks with arched eyebrows, turning to face the other boys.  

Liam pretends to be looking at the drink menu, as if he would ever order anything else than what he usually gets. Niall whistles, looking at the floor and Harry, Harry’s eyes are wide and very, very radiantly green as he looks back at Louis looking completely innocent.

That’s why Louis _knows_ it’s all been Harry’s idea.

Harry can’t lie for shit, never could, probably never ever will be able to and Louis starts feeling a bit like a fool for falling for it in the first place. He should have figured it out right away that this wasn’t just a Friday night out for a drink, but well. Maybe he had wanted it to be so bad, maybe he was just desperate to be drunk out of his mind without having to think.

But nope. Harry.

“Spectacular place, huh?” he asks once more, and Harry’s lips curve in a goofy smile, as Niall and Liam also starts cracking up. “This look like a hipster-y place for the hipsterst of hipsters.”

That makes Niall start laughing. He wraps a lanky arm around Louis, pulling him closer.

“Come on man, Harry wanted us all to taste some of this fine ale didn’t you? Or the vodka? Nothing to worry about.”

Harry says nothing, just grinning still. Louis wants to pinch those cheeks just because he knows it annoys him, so he does just that as Liam grabs his other arm.

“I just wanted a new place,” Harry defends himself. “You said you wanted new and quiet, no big crowds and well…” he looks around, and his argument seems to fall a bit since the place is filling up rather quickly. Mostly half known faces from media, Louis can tell, and he hopes none of them will want to try to make new friends or climb the social ladder with him tonight because nope. “You got it?”

“Hipster place,” Louis says, sticking his tongue out rather maturely as Liam orders them a round of drinks before they go to one of the booths that seems to not be taken. “You wanna turn me into a hipster.”

Harry sips his drink, not replying to that, and Louis looks around as if he is just about to ask something else, when someone walks to the front door and suddenly Harry’s plans becomes so painfully clear that Louis is stunned.

All legs and tacky expensive clothing, hair that seems to cost a fortune of products and necklaces and friends, Nick Grimshaw walks through the door.

Louis turns to Harry. Harry is very interested with how napkins work.

“Nick Grimshaw,” Louis hisses. “You brought us to _Nick Grimshaw’s_ place? Harry!”

“Maybe it’s time for you to stop staring at him and actually do something!” Liam grins, the traitor, the one Louis is pretty sure isn’t his friend anymore because what the actual fuck.

“Staring?” Louis hisses, praying for a miracle that Nick won’t notice him being there. “I am not _staring_ at Nick Grimshaw, Liam.”

“No Liam, you’re wrong there mate,” Niall says, and wow, Louis could kiss him and name his first born after him because wow, what a mate, what a buddy, what a brother, what a… “I am pretty sure the term is _gazing_ , innit? Or drooling. Maybe a combination of both, I’m not sure there.”

Louis stops in the middle of thinking of how he is naming his first born after Niall and instead glares at him with the most evil of glares he can come up with.

“Excuse me? You are all dead wrong. In case you have missed it, we can’t stand each other. Nick Grimshaw is the reason of my nightmares and…”

“You mean… _wet dreams_?” Harry asks, eyebrow wiggling as if he knows things about Louis’ brain that Louis doesn’t which okay, don’t think so.

“Shut up,” Louis hisses. “You better not have planned for him to meet us here or something because if you did I’m…”

He pauses as Nick and his clique, ordered and done, walks up to their booth. Louis holds his breath just as Nick comes closer, gives them a look and then…

Walks past them as if he didn’t see them.

Or didn’t care.

Louis doesn’t even try to stop his jaw from dropping at that.

Niall and Liam starts laughing, Harry, the sod, is just grinning still.

“Oh well, there you go,” Niall says, draining his glass and going for another. “He is not here for you and you’re not here for him so this is a good night, right? We can go back to just drinking but you, dear Tommo, have the best spot for gazing all night.”

“I do not gaze,” Louis says through gritted teeth. “And especially not at Nick Grimshaw.”

The other three shrugs. Louis sighs loudly and grunts as he reaches for his drink. He hopes it’s filled with numbing things.

“I do not,” he repeats again, before emptying the glass in one go.

 

***

 

Louis isn’t sure how many shots he’s had now but he is pretty sure Liam isn’t always this blurry and Harry isn’t double as he tries to pull a lad by the bar, so when Niall asks him something, and Louis doesn’t really hear as if his head is filled with cotton, he settles it. He is pleasantly drunk. Just the way he had planned this night.

“You know why I can’t stand Nick?” he asks, even if no one around the table has asked him and the topic of conversation might just be about an entirely different matter whatsoever. “He is just too much of a good lad, you know? Always gotta be the best, wear the nicest clothes, have the best jobs, just be the best at anything, right? Like fricking Ash Ketchum, that boy,” he chuckles, knowing fully well that he is acting like a bit of a dickhead currently but also not really caring one bit about that. “He can never lose at anything, you know? But well, you know, I am pretty sure I could beat him. In anything,” he adds, this a bit louder as he grabs his drink, taking a sip after a nod to Harry as if Harry is the one who brought up the matter in the first place. “I am pretty sure I can beat Nick Grimshaw in anything.”

If Louis had been a bit more sober while saying this, he might have noticed the way Niall’s face light up at the sound of that. Now though, Louis is not very sober and therefor couldn’t even notice Niall’s face changing into a lightbulb worthy of Pixar even if he tried to.

“Right,” he hears Niall say though, and that makes him look up. “You mean that?”

“Well, duh,” Louis rolls his eyes. “I said so, didn’t I?” he turns to Liam, whispering. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

Liam nods, just as Niall is standing up.

“Oi, Grimshaw!” he calls out, and for a moment Louis feels a bit more sober as Nick actually looks up, waving back at Niall who is now waving like a crazy person. “Come over here!”

“Niall,” Louis hisses, grabbing his pint as if that will protect him. “What are you doing?!”

Niall doesn’t reply, he is too busy grinning as Nick makes his way over, giving him a fist bump, doing the same with Liam, hugs Harry and ignores Louis. _Seriously_.

“Hiya there laddies, didn’t know you were in here!” Nick says, his grin is even wider now and that voice just get under Louis’ skin.

Fuck everything, why does he have to talk like that and look like that.

Louis is filing a complaint. He isn’t sure where, but he will find a place. Tomorrow. When he is sober again.

“Well, we needed a change of scenery,” Liam says. Louis rolls his eyes.

“I’m leaving,” he says, getting up only to be pushed down by Niall again.

“Oh no, no you’re not,” Niall laughs and god, Louis hates his laugh. Why is he doing this? “I want you to prove something, that is, if Nick agrees.”

“Prove what?” Nick asks, looking curious. Louis wants to die.

“Well Louis here,” Liam says slowly, as if he is now in on Niall’s plans. Why are they like this? Why didn’t Louis get new friends? “Says he is pretty sure he can beat you in anything. Anything at all, really.”

“So we wanna try that theory out,” Niall says with a vicious grin as Harry is laughing. “And invite you to a game of beer pong.”

Louis laughs out loud.

“Me challenging that one to beer pong? Please, I could kick his ass in my sleep.”

Nick grins quietly, looking around the bar.

“Beer pong? This truly the place for beer pong?”

“See!” Louis says triumphal. “Told you the guy is too chicken, I know I can beat him, well that means I win, I…”

“I’m in,” Nick interrupts him. Louis gets quiet as the others cheer.

“Great!” Niall says loudly. “Winner get 50 quid ay?”

Louis snorts.

“50 quid? I give more to my paper boy.”

“Aw, acting as if you’re the only rich one, huh?” Nick tilts his head and Louis feels his eyes burning with fire of anger. “How about 500 then?”

“Maybe 1000, then we’re talking.”

“Aw, that’s all you can afford?”

“Listen, Grimshaw,” Louis hisses. “I’m gonna tell you that…”

“I have an idea,” Niall says, grinning in a way that makes Louis wants to run the other way unless it wasn’t for the fact that he isn’t sure if he can run right now and also, he would rather die than run away from a bet and challenge from Nick Grimshaw. He doesn’t want to be called a coward.  “Since you’re both rich as trolls, I mean.”

“I’m rich as a troll,” Louis corrects him. “Nick is not.”

Nick rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything, just corrects that stupid scarf hanging over his shoulders and Louis’ eyes just wanders a tiny bit down so that he can see chest hair through that open button. What a moron.

“Whatever,” Niall waves his hand. “How about this, the bet is to see which one of you two is better at beer pong and Nick…” he turns to Nick. “If you lose, you have to give Louis Tommo here, your very best… lap dance.”

The crowd, now not only Louis’ so called _friends_ and Nick’s clique, but other people as well, give out the loudest cheer Louis has ever heard in a bar like this. His face goes red and he hates it because Nick, Nick the idiot he is just smirking.

Louis prepares for the rest.

“And if you lose, Lou…” Niall continues, clearly enjoying this a bit too much. “You have to give Nick a lap dance. We good here?”

Louis isn’t sure what to do. Those idiots. How dare they? Louis is pretty sure that he needs new friends as soon as possible, and he needs to make sure they aren’t complete dicks.

Nick arches an eyebrow. He looks amused.

Louis waits for him though, waits for him to get up and just stop this because clearly, Louis isn’t able to.

“Deal,” Nick says, and Louis just almost falls down right there from shock.

Deal. _Deal._ Nick says it’s a deal to a thing that no matter what the outcome will end up with them being very, very close together.

Louis is pretty sure he is about to faint, or this is just going to turn out to be some kind of sick prank.

A prank, yeah.

He glances over at Nick, then at his three friends that are standing next to him clearly trying to not laugh at the whole situation and suddenly he feels his blood boiling.

“You think this is funny, do you?” he shouts suddenly, and clearly the others hadn’t expected him to do that.

It’s like the whole bar gets quiet. And Louis doesn’t like to make a scene, never was really a fan of being over dramatic despite the acting he has done in his life.

But it suddenly all make so much sense.

He is here because they are all going to play a prank on him, a sick prank where he thinks he gets to enjoy time with Nick, not that he want to, but still, just so that Nick can turn him down in front of everyone so that they can laugh at him.

“Lou…” Harry says, trying to calm him down as he takes one step towards him, but Louis backs away.

“You think this is funny,” he repeats, a cold laugh escaping his lips, as fake as ever, and he can feel tears burning behind his eyes because wow, he is furious and clearly being furious means he is about to cry.

That is not going to fucking happen.

“I am not falling for this, you ass!” he yells, not sure who he is aiming this for, because he tries to glare at them all at once – Niall, Harry, Liam and Nick, Nick with his stupid hair and long legs and arms, Nick with that annoying, annoying excuse of a voice that eats its way inside Louis’ mind whenever he hears it. “You think I’m going to what, let you lure me into thinking Nick would actually want to get close to me and then you can all watch and laugh as he turns me down? No, not falling for it.”

“Louis, that’s not…” Niall tries, looking almost scared at how Louis is reacting to this, but Louis ignores it.

“You can go fuck yourself,” he yells. “I’m not going to be your bit of fun just because you like to make fun of me liking Grimmy.”

He turns around, not even bothering to think about what he said before he is running out of the bar.

“Louis!” he hears both Harry and Liam behind him, but he doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t want to stop. He just wants to get away.

He runs until he feels the pain in his legs from going too hard, and he pauses on the street. Tears are spilling down his cheeks and he furiously wipes them away. He is not going to cry. Not over this.

He makes it into his home before his cheeks feels wet, and as he throws himself down on the couch he is wondering if he can blame the rain even if the sky is cloudless.

 

 

***

 

He is almost falling asleep when he hears a soft knock on the door.

“Louis?”

He would recognize that voice everywhere. He groans, turning around and hopes he can be heard even through the front door.

“Go away, Grimshaw.”

“No can do. Let me in please?”

“No!” Louis shouts, immediately regretting it. His head hurts already. Typical hipster places, probably serving booze that gives you instant hangover. Louis is suing them. “Go.”

“I just wanna talk.”

Louis groans, getting up and opening the door mostly because he wants to slam it in Nick’s stupid, pretty face. That would show him.

“What if I don’t wanna talk?” Louis asks, walking up to the door.

“Well in that case…” he hears Nick. “Can I just get in to use the loo? Don’t wanna piss on your precious plants you have here.”

Louis grunts.

“Fine,” he says, even if it is tempting to just leave Nick Grimshaw out there to wet himself. Maybe call a couple of tabloids about it as well. That would be a proper story.

He unlocks the door, opening it and outside is Nick. He has a goofy, stupid smile on his face and Louis hates him even more.

“I actually don’t have to wee,” he says goofily and Louis rolls his eyes.

“Could have figured. What are you doing here?”

Nick looks at Louis, as if he wonders if he can come in and then, before Louis can say anything Nick has taken a step inside and closing the door.

“You left,” he says, and Louis looks away because he feels rather stupid for causing a scene, even if he was pissed off.

“Yeah well, don’t want to be made a fool of, right?” Louis says, still looking at the wall instead of Nick. He can hear Nick sigh and then he grabs his arm, causing Louis to look at him.

“Lou…” Nick says softly, and Louis tries so hard to not get lost in those eyes. It’s hard, but he tries to. “It was never… why do you hate me so much if you like me?”

“I don’t…” Louis starts, but he isn’t sure what he means by that. Don’t hate you? Don’t like you? Louis looks away again. “It doesn’t matter. It was a fun joke, ha ha, cool prank and all that. Glad to see you have all my buddies now, not just Harry. Maybe you can start a new band, huh? New Direction, all that, changing the…”

“Louis!” Nick interrupts him by placing a hand over his mouth. It’s big and warm and Louis shuts up, as he wonders how a person can have such big hands. “It was never a prank, never a plan, I had no idea you guys were even there before Niall called me over. I would never mess with you okay? Never. Especially not if I knew you well…” he removes his hand, again giving Louis a bit of a goofy grin. “like me.”

“Shut up!” Louis says, and he wants to hide his face in his hands but he doesn’t do that. “I never said I like you.”

“You did say that.”

“I didn’t!”

Nick laughs. It’s a loud, yet soft, yet loving laugh and Louis melts and he hates that. Another thing to put on the list of things to complain about Nick. The laughter. He needs to be stopped.

“So… you just ran out because you know I would kick your ass in beer pong then?”

Louis gasps. He can’t believe Nick would ever say that.

“That is not it!” Louis complains loudly. “I would so kick your ass. You know, let’s go right here. I’ll get cups and beers and the pongs and whatever and I’ll kick your ass, I’ll do it, don’t you worry!”

Nick grins. There is a spark in his eye.

“Bring it on then.”

Louis hums, pleased with himself. Easy win, very much so.

 

***

 

Louis loses. The first time. The second time when he forces Nick for a rematch because Nick is cheating he loses again. The third time he is pretty sure Nick isn’t even trying, but Louis still loses and it’s rude.

Nick is just a DJ. Louis is the one with the football career, kind of. This should be his game.

“You did something to these balls.” Louis whines. Nick grins.

“Nope, just good with balls.”

“I…” Louis starts, but that comment has him blush again, especially when the comment comes with a grin like that from Nick.

“So…” Nick says, the grin still on his face as he sits down on Louis’ sofa. “Do I get that lap dance now or?”

Louis feels his cheeks redden even deeper at that, and Nick’s grin widens before Louis looks away, and Nick stops grinning.

“Uh…”

“Louis, I’m sorry, I…” Nick shakes his head, getting up and putting a hand on Louis’ arm. “I didn’t mean to, you know, make you uncomfortable or anything. I just… it was a joke, you know?”

“Just don’t mess with me,” Louis mutters, shaking his head. “I don’t like it when people mess with me.”

“Well, that’s something we have in common then,” Nick laughs, and then he lifts Louis’ hands to his mouth, kissing his fingers one by one.

Louis feels a bolt of electricity go through his body by that soft touch. He looks at Nick and he looks back, and Louis can’t help but swallow.

“You… you can’t do that,” he whispers. “You’re not… we’re not… we’re not supposed to do this.”

“What?” Nick has proceeded to kiss Louis’ wrist and he didn’t know it was this sensitive to touch but well, either it is or it’s just sensitive to Nick, he isn’t really sure. Doesn’t plan to find out either.

“You know I won’t be responsible for what happens if you keep doing that,” Louis stammers as Nick’s tongue traces his tattoos. Louis feels so grateful for having that many of them. Nick stops for a moment, looking up with a grin once again on his lips.

“I’ll take that risk.”

Louis kisses him. Kisses or tackles more like it because he jumps, and he straddles Nick’s lap as they fall down on the sofa and he kisses him again and again, his tongue sliding into Nick’s welcoming mouth just as Nick’s hands grab for the fabric of his clothes.

Looking back, Louis will be very impressed with how quickly Nick can get him out of his clothes and still manage to snog him senseless.

There is so much of Nick that Louis wants to touch, he’s wanted this forever and Nick is so much, there’s so much heat and Louis feels on fire by every bit of skin that he reveals as he takes Nick’s clothes off.

“Louis, fuck,” Nick murmurs as they are down to their boxers and Louis grinds down and he is so hard, Nick is so hard, and Louis is so hard, and he has never been this desperate for anything before.

“That’s the plan, yeah,” Louis gasps, sucking a mark on Nick’s neck just because he can, just because Nick isn’t telling him not to, quite the opposite, he feels Nick’s cock twitch underneath him when he does that. “You gonna get started?”

“Want me to do you right here?” Nick’s voice is sweet and seductive in his ear, his breath hot and Louis melts once more in his arms. “Because you know I will.”

“Wanna ride you,” Louis grunts, and he moves away just to find a condom and lube and bring it back, as he slides out of his boxers.

There is the moment of feeling exposed once he is naked, especially since from what he has felt Nick is way bigger than him, but Nick groans as he sees him, eyes rolling back into his head.

“Fuck you’re gorgeous. Come ‘ere, lemme open you…”

Louis practically purrs as he climbs onto Nick’s lap again, and Nick gets the lube from him, lubing up his fingers quickly.

“How many do you want, princess?” Nick whispers and Louis is worried he might come just from that.

“Two,” he mumbles, spreading his legs and hoping Nick can reach properly when he is sitting like this. “Give me two.”

Nick grins, and then he moves his fingers slowly, so slowly Louis is just about to ask him to hurry the fuck up already when he feels the tip of one of those long fingers by his entrance.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Nick murmurs, and Louis wants to punch him but instead he just moans as Nick slides both fingers in slowly, slowly, giving Louis just enough time to adjust to it.

Louis feels his vision go blank from pleasure, and his head drops to Nick’s shoulder and he bites into his warm skin, moaning quietly to the point of almost whimpering.

“Fuck, fuck,” he almost chants as Nick fingers him, taking his time before scissoring, opening him, getting him ready and adding a third finger, crooking, fucking into him so slow and gently that Louis wants to cry. He grinds down, rolls his hips, wanting them deeper until he just can’t take it anymore.

“Just fuck me,” he gasps out, gripping Nick’s shoulders until he is pretty sure he will leave nail marks as well. “Fuck me now.”

Nick seems to pretend to think about it for a moment, but then he removes his fingers, wiping them off on his shirt before lifting his ass up so that Louis can take off his boxers as well.

Louis stares as Nick reaches for the condom and god, Nick’s cock is big, both long and thick, slightly bent and so beautiful. Louis wants him everywhere, wants him to fuck him into oblivion, wants to suck him, wants to…

“Want me?” Nick purrs as is he can tell Louis is staring once he rolls the condom on.

Louis rolls his eyes, doesn’t bother replying before grabbing Nick’s shaft and positioning himself so that he can sink onto it.

His eyes widen as Nick fills him, he is bigger than anyone Louis’ been with, not that Louis has been with that many dick people in his life, but Nick really takes the prize.

And he moves, he moves as soon as Louis starts moving and just as he is fully seated comfortable, Nick captures his lips in a kiss before Nick starts thrusting up into him as Louis bounce on his dick as if this is what he was made to do.

“God I knew your arse would be the best,” Nick gasps, sweat trickling down his cheek and Louis can’t even speak, he is fully focused on just breathing and taking it all in, wanting to remember all of this always.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he says, hoping Nick knows just what he means and he thinks he does as Nick grabs his hips, holding him in place as he fucks into him harder, harder and harder again.

When he comes, Louis is pretty sure Nick comes at the same time, and Louis sees stars and galaxies before he collapses on top of Nick, not even caring one bit about the mess of cum they are in.

 

***

He isn’t quite sure how they made it to the bed, but the soreness of his ass tells him it must have been after at least a couple of rounds more.

Louis groans, not wanting to open his eyes but then it’s like his body forces him to do it just to see what he sees.

He is worried for a moment that Nick might be gone but nope, when Louis’ eyes are fully open he can see Nick there, sleeping with his mouth open, on his stomach, ass in the air. Louis can’t help but giggle a little and give him a little slap there, causing Nick to stir and grunt.

Louis laughs again and Nick opens one eye, and Louis can tell he doesn’t really want to grin but he can’t help himself.

“Hey there, loser.”

Louis sticks his tongue out.

“Shut up.”

“What, just because you’re a loser?”

“Oh!” Louis just remembers, and sits up, reaching for the notepad he keeps next to his bed in case he comes up with lyrics in the middle of the night. “Just remembered I had things to do today.”

“Things other than me?” Nick grunts, clearly not wanting Louis to leave this bed. It makes Louis feel strangely proud. Apparently his sex skills are out of this world.

“Yes,” Louis says, starting to scribble things down. “I remembered that I am gonna file a complaint, because you really do royally piss me off on so many levels. I need to come up with ideas on where to file this complaint.”

Nick grunts, throwing a pillow at him. Louis ducks.

“This will go on the list as well, Grimshaw, I’m only building myself a stronger case here.”

“I’ll show you a case,” Nick grunts and then he chuckles as he reaches out, grabbing the notepad from Louis and tossing it across the room. “Hard one.” His hands move to Louis’ wrists and he pulls him down on top of him as Louis rolls his eyes.

“That was lame.”

“What?” Nick asks innocently. “It is a hard one, I’m telling the truth.”

“You’re an ass.”

“An ass who likes your arse, mhm.”

Louis wants to roll his eyes again but he is interrupted by Nick kissing him.

And as far as interruption goes, that’s something he can be okay with.


End file.
